When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
