I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
