I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
