Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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