i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
