Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
