Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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