They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
