I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
