summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
