he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
