1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
