theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
do nipples grow back?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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