I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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