My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
