I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
