How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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