Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
