doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
