My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
