i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
