Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
