I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
