i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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