remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
