So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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