This dress was meant to end up on your floor
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
