At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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