I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
