You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
