Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
