some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize