The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
