The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
love makes seman taste better
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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