He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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