if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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