these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
