Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
