Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's blow job season.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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