Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
