I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
