you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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