why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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