Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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