it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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