look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
