Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
