the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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