spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
