Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
