the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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