I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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