I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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