Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
