Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize