I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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