oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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