I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
