I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
