My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
