I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
