and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
