I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Sober January is a disaster.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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