I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
