I wish my penis had an off switch
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize